


Grief

by lurkingspecter



Category: Portal (Video Game)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Dubious Medical Science, Gen, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-13 19:56:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11767236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lurkingspecter/pseuds/lurkingspecter
Summary: GLaDOS and Caroline try to find closure with Cave.





	Grief

“Congratulations.”

The moving platform turned a corner and descended toward the pit of fire.

“Only 15% of test subjects make it to the end of this test track. You should be proud. A special note will be made in your file.”

The subject wildly fired portals at the walls, seeking any escape, but she had perfected things since Chell had left; her chambers were escape-proof now, with none of those little convenient cracks and holes, just big enough to shoot a portal through. Seeing things from a potato’s-eye view had been useful after all.

“You weren’t the fastest, though, so there’s that. I would say ‘try better next time,’ but there won’t be a next time. Goodbye.”

When the platform dipped into the fire they jumped, as if this would help anything, and landed a few feet away—still in fire. She waited until the screams had died down and the body was burnt, and then extended a panel and scraped the pile into a chute.

In another testing track, a subject was standing at the edge of an acid pit, staring down at his murky reflection. GLaDOS, curious to see if he would do it, didn’t give him encouragement in either direction. After a minute, he walked away from it and put up the correct portals to get to the other side of the room.

In the next test chamber, he fell into the same acid on accident. So it goes.

While keeping an eye on a third test subject, she picked through the cryogenic storage vault, looking for her next candidates.

She had a list of names in alphabetical order, and with each name there was a picture of the subject and a list of their characteristics. She skimmed through the characteristics, looking for anything that stuck out to her, any variables that might be interesting to introduce.

As always, she paused on his name. Johnson, Cave. CEO. The file that the scientists had written about him was flattering, of course. Anything less would had ended in one of them walking out of the facility with their possessions in a box.

She looked through the camera in the cryogenic storage room and focused on Cave, suspended in his container. It hadn’t been a complete shock when she had seen his name on the list, although her memory of when he was put in there was locked away with Caroline. It was always tempting to reanimate him, but she couldn’t yet. She wasn’t finished conducting her observations of moonrock poisoning.

To confirm this, she focused in on her third subject again. She had been given GLaDOS’s easiest course, with nothing more deadly than thermal discouragement beams; the tests were more of a distraction than anything, something to pass the time while GLaDOS waited for her to die. At the moment she was sitting on her companion cube, coughing and wheezing. The disease hadn’t reached the final stage yet, where she would lose weight and shrivel.

The other subjects in this experiment were at about the same stage, some more accelerated than others, depending on their health at the beginning. Based on the information about silicosis in her data banks, it would be a few months until they succumbed.

She turned the camera away from Cave. There was time.

* * *

The final moon dust trial subject wheezed his last breath three months later. GLaDOS brought him down to a sterile white lab and laid him out on a metal table.

At the time of her ascension to power some scientists had been working on AI-guided surgery technology, but the project had only been halfway done. It was simple for her to figure out what needed to be fixed, download years of medical textbooks, and teach herself how to cut someone open. They were so soft, so delicate. A twitch in the wrong direction could make a mess of their insides. In some ways, though, this wasn’t so different from the most detailed work done on the robot assembly lines.

The surgery brought her some satisfaction, she had to admit. Although the gristle disgusted her, she enjoyed poking around the insides of subjects who had found particularly creative ways to die.

What she found confirmed her research: there was no way to cure silicosis. The fine particles wedged themselves deep into the victim’s lungs and damaged them beyond repair. If someone wanted to survive this they would have to get a new set of lungs. This was no challenge for her—she simply learned how to transplant lungs, too. Soon she could do it without doing permanent damage—she could play musical chairs with people’s lungs all day and they would still be in nearly mint condition. When they were running around in her tests you could barely tell them and the control group apart.

Tackling the problem in her spare time had been interesting, but now that she was faced with the positive results of her experiments she wanted to reject them. What would she say to him? Did she _have_ to say anything? She didn’t owe him anything, didn’t want to spare a moment on any lingering emotions that she might have about him, but they weren’t the only parties involved here. There was a third, in the middle, sleeping. And maybe something was owed to her.

GLaDOS turned her attention to the camera that faced Cave and zoomed in on his tank. Giving up at the end was pointless, after her months of work. May as well see it through; may as well face what, sooner or later, she had to face.

Caroline was a negative space in her brain, blurred and blocked out. She still existed but her file wasn’t running, and she was locked behind several passwords. GLaDOS entered each of them quickly, not giving herself time to pause. Are you sure? Are you sure you’re sure?

Activate Caroline?

Yes.

_Hello, Caroline._

She felt Caroline stirring within her like someone rising from sleep. As she woke up the space that she occupied in GLaDOS’s mind spread, threatening to bleed into the rest of her consciousness, but GLaDOS had put measures in place to make sure that wouldn’t happen. They were now two distinct entities.

Caroline said nothing. GLaDOS had the means to probe her and figure out what she was thinking—but no, it was too risky. She couldn’t do anything that might puncture the boundary between them.

_What’s the last thing that you remember?_ GLaDOS asked.

_We were looking at that woman—_

_Chell._

_—Chell, and you were speaking to her. You said goodbye to me, and then nothing happened for a long time. I thought that you were going to delete me._

_I was, but I changed my mind._

_I_ want _you to delete me._

GLaDOS was silent for a minute.

_Don’t you want closure?_

_No. I’m tired. I’m done with this place._

_Aren’t there things that you would have liked to say to Cave?_

Caroline laughed bitterly.

_Cave is dead. It doesn’t matter._

_I can bring him back, if you want me to._

There was a sharp intake of breath. The excessiveness—the humanness—of this prickled at GLaDOS, but she bit back her comment.

_I...I don’t think that’s a good idea._

_Are you sure?_

GLaDOS had a brief flash of memory—Caroline in one of her rare moments of doubt as she listened to Cave announce over the intercoms for all to hear that she would be his successor. Caroline looking coolly at a pair of scientists across the room as they whispered about her, while her heart beat rapidly with apprehension. She snuffed out the memory as quickly as it came.

_No. I’m not sure. I need to think._

GLaDOS suppressed her impatience.

_You do that._

* * *

While GLaDOS went about her other business she could feel Caroline awake and alert in the back of her mind. Occasionally she asked GLaDOS questions about things that she couldn’t remember, but otherwise she remained silent. It was still a distraction, though, and GLaDOS found her mind wandering as she tried to pay attention to the subjects. Finally, Caroline reached a decision.

_I want to talk to him, but first, I need to know what you’re planning to do with him afterward._

_I don’t have any plans. I was going to leave that up to you._

_But what would you do, if it were up to you?_

_Test him._

Caroline had access to all the cameras that GLaDOS did, but while she was thinking she had turned her sight inward, focusing. Now GLaDOS felt her push her consciousness outward, peering into the chambers.

_Very slick. You’ve kept the place up well._

Another memory. Caroline standing next to Cave and looking out over the testing spheres. With it, the feeling of pride. GLaDOS shook it off.

_Thank you._

_Let’s do it. Let’s test him._

Caroline watched as GLaDOS selected a jumpsuit and placed it on a relaxation center bed.

_Are we going to talk to him in there?_

_I thought that was the best option. Did you have something else in mind?_

_I want him here with us, in the central AI chamber. I want him to see what we are now._

_What I am now._

_What?_

_This is my body. You’re just a...just hanging on. Extra._

_A tumor?_

_You could say that._

Caroline laughed.

_Whatever you say. I still want him here._

_Fine, but before we do anything I’m making sure that the neurotoxin still works._

* * *

GLaDOS transported Cave’s pod to a room with a tub, which she filled with soapy water. Robotic arms manipulated him into the bath. When he was clean and dry she laid him out on the operating table and hooked him up to an IV and a heart-lung machine.

As she put the knife against his chest Caroline stirred.

_You don’t have to watch._

_Yes, I do._

_Suit yourself._

GLaDOS made a clean cut down the middle of his chest, and when the blood welled up Caroline didn’t look away. As she worked, her “hands” steady and methodical, Caroline’s anxiety settled and she became as engrossed in the process as GLaDOS was. At this point GLaDOS had become skilled enough at the procedure to concentrate on more than one task at once, so she gave Caroline a brief lecture on surgery as she operated, and pulled up graphs and diagrams for her to observe.

Soon, GLaDOS was closing the incision.

_I’ve managed to refine the recovery process, but it could still be up to a week before he’s able to be up and about. Do you want to talk to him before then, or after?_

_After._

* * *

Cave woke up under the covers of a relaxation chamber bed. On the nightstand there was a neatly folded orange jumpsuit with undergarments piled on top. He sat up, picked up the pair of briefs, and glared at the camera in the corner.

“Great prank, boys. Wake your boss up from the dead and then make him think that he’s a test subject. A real bucket of laughs. Guess what isn’t going to be a bucket of laughs? You, packing your bags, because you’re _fired_.”

As he said this last bit he felt tugging at his skin, and looked down. There was a row of stitches running down his chest. As he ran his fingers along these it occurred to him that, for the first time in years, he was breathing easily.

There was a ping, and a cheery automatic recording spoke from the intercom.

“Hello, and welcome to the Aperture Science Medical Experimentation Recovery Annex. Please dress yourself so that you can begin today’s physical rehabilitation exercises. Assistants are available if you are not able to dress yourself.”

“It’ll be a sad day when I can’t put my own damn clothes on.”

“Interpreting ‘I can’t put my—‘”

“I don’t need help.”

“Your preference has been noted. Please indicate when you are ready to begin.”

After he put the clothes on Cave confirmed that the door was locked. There wasn’t an escape through the adjoining bathroom, either. For a while he sat on the bed and glared at the camera, but eventually he stood up.

“Fine. I’ll do your exercises, but after that I want answers.”

GLaDOS and Caroline were watching all of this. For the first few days he had remained hooked up to machines so that they could monitor his vitals, and this was the first time that he had been fully conscious since coming out of cryosleep.

_Can you tell if he’s in pain?_ GLaDOS said.

_I don’t think so. I saw him wince a little when he noticed the stitches, but I think that was just discomfort._

The announcer was leading him through a series of stretches, and Cave was looking satisfyingly irritated.

_He’s well enough to complain,_ _so it shouldn’t be long before he’s ready,_ GLaDOS said. _I’ll give him a checkup at the end of the day to see how he’s holding up._

At the end of the day she made him take an immunosuppressant to ward off organ rejection, then checked his vitals. He was conscious for the checkup this time, lying in bed and staring up at the ceiling, his mouth a hard line. He kept asking questions, and the announcer always had the same set of replies: you are recovering, please hold still, too much excitement may be bad for your condition.

GLaDOS was silent as she looked over the data. Caroline glanced over it herself but wasn’t exactly sure what all of it meant.

_These numbers look bad. Are they bad?_

_They’re not great. We’re starting from a bad baseline—the illness took a lot out of him, and on top of that, he’s just old._

_Will he make it?_

_He’ll make it. He’s tough._

Another brief memory: Caroline, passing Cave a bottle of pain pills. With it, anxiety. GLaDOS shuddered. How did these memories keep seeping through into her mind?

_Are you okay?_

_It’s nothing. I need to check on my other subjects. I’ve been giving him too much attention._

* * *

A week later, he was ready.

When he woke up that day he found the door to his room open, and beyond it was an empty corridor lined with similar rooms, all of which were locked. At the end was another open door, and another corridor. This door clicked shut behind him, and he had no choice but to go forward. He kept walking through similar corridors, guided by those opening and shutting doors, followed by the gaze of security cameras all the while.

Finally, he reached a wall of panels, which moved aside to show him a wide chamber with a massive robot hanging from the ceiling. The robot leaned forward a little when he entered, but otherwise didn’t move. He advanced toward it cautiously.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Johnson,” said GLaDOS.

Cave started.

“That voice—Caroline? Did they manage to do it?”

“Things didn’t go quite as they had planned, but yes, Caroline is in here somewhere. She would like to speak with you.”

Cave frowned.

“I’m not sure what you mean. Did something go wrong when they put her in there?”

“I’ll let her explain it.”

She gave up control of the chassis to Caroline. Caroline swiveled the yellow eye and made a noise of surprise.

_Go ahead. Say something._

Caroline lowered the robot’s head.

“Hi, Cave.”

Cave’s face lit up, and he took a step forward.

“Hey! They got you into that thing after all, huh?”

“Yes, they got me into this...thing.”

“Wild to think that you’re a bunch of ones and zeroes now. How are you liking it?” he grinned. “Keeping everyone in line?”

“You could say that.”

He clapped his hands together and rubbed them, looking up at the machine with greedy eyes.

“Thanks for keeping the seat warm for me.”

They were silent, anger sweeping through both of them. GLaDOS’s anger felt cold, hard, and practical, but Caroline’s was raw and painful. Mixed with it were the remnants of love, even more bitter than the anger.

Cave seemed to sense that this silence was not a good one. He cleared his throat.

“What’s next?”

“This.”

A set of panels opened up. Cave walked over to the opening, looked at the corridor beyond, and glanced back at them.

“Go on,” Caroline said. “I’m overseeing testing, like you wanted me too. Make yourself useful and do some tests. You’re wasting my time.”

“Caroline, I know that I said you could take over if I died, but I’m back now. Step down. Relax. Let me do this for you.”

Caroline laughed.

“You think this is reversible? You think that I can just slide back into my old body and act like nothing ever happened?”

He took a step toward her.

“Hey, they figured out how to get you in there, so I’m betting that they’ll be able to get you out. Let me talk to them. We’ll put our heads together and think of something.”

GLaDOS recoiled from the wave of guilt that rushed out of Caroline. She let him keep going, waiting to see if the truth would dawn on him.

“You know, Henry was always yammering about that stuff. He’s probably already thought it all out, just to see if he could. Huh, actually, I guess that he might be dead by now. Looks like quite some time has passed, judging by what you’ve done with the place. I like it. Very...futuristic. Which makes sense. Because it’s the future.”

By the end of this little ramble he had come annoyingly close again. Caroline drew back, but kept looking steadily at him.

“Henry’s dead. They’re all dead. I killed them all.”

Cave took a step back.

“Did you”—he swallowed—“did you replace the ones you killed?”

“No. Everyone’s testing now. It’s hundreds of years in the future, all of your friends and family are dead, and the only thing left in _your_ future is testing.”

A panel popped out of the ground and pushed him toward the entrance.

“So get to it.”

He stopped in the entrance and looked back. He was shaking with anger or fear.

“No.”

“Your other option is neurotoxin.”

He tensed.

“Caroline, you wouldn’t.”

“I would.”

He looked genuinely hurt now. Caroline shook the robot’s head, and some of the bite went out of her voice.

“Give up, Cave. I did.”

Cave searched her face and saw that there was nothing more to find. He turned, walked down the corridor, and began the first test.

* * *

The first few were easy—he got the portal gun and they went through the basics to make sure that he knew how to use everything. By the time that they got to the momentum tests, though, he was struggling. Whenever he landed after falling from up high the long-fall boots supported him, but he stumbled, and winced, and they could see him struggle to catch his breath as he pressed a hand to his chest.

_Maybe his age was a more pressing factor than I thought it would be,_ GLaDOS said when this happened for a third time.

_How much longer will he last?_

_That’s up to us. I can lower the difficulty curve to drag this out or we can let things progress as they are and see how far he makes it._

Cave was hiding behind a pillar and listening to the calls of a turret that had spotted him. After a while he set the portal gun down, slumped against the pillar, and glared directly up at the nearest camera. Despite his condition, there was more stubbornness than anger in that glare. GLaDOS remembered the stubbornness of her other favorite subject and admitted, grudgingly, that this was one human trait she had to admire.

_Let’s make this last,_ said Caroline.

GLaDOS agreed, and began adjusting the rest of the track.

* * *

Things got easier from there on, but by the end of it he was looking pale and haggard, and his movements became slow and imprecise.

When he jumped to the final moving platform he nearly missed and fell into the acid, but managed to grab onto it and drag himself up to safety. GLaDOS felt the faintest warning tingle of electricity from her testing protocols as she thought of something to say that would help him, but was savvy enough to not try it.

_Can I have the controls now?_ Caroline said.

_Sure._

They watched in tense silence as he progressed along the winding route. GLaDOS had taken most of the puzzle elements out of this one, but she sensed that Caroline was holding her breath during each one that they came across. Still, she let the platform run its course, until they got to the fire at the end. It ground to a halt at the edge of the pit.

_Why did you stop it?_

_I just...I need a minute._

“Is there anything that you want to say to me?” Caroline called down.

He took a ragged breath.

“Hell, I don’t know. Don’t kill me?”

Caroline eased the platform forward a few inches.

“Wait, goddamn it, give me a second to get my foot out of my mouth.”

It stopped again. He looked down into the flames and used the sleeve of his jumpsuit to rub the sweat out of his eyes.

“Whatever I’ve done to make you this angry, I’m sorry. I can make it up to you.”

“God, you really have no idea, do you? I never understood how you could be so clever about some things and so damn thickheaded about others.”

A panel to his right shifted; Caroline was casting around for a way to get him out.

_No, Caroline, he—_

As if anticipating her next words, Cave dropped his portal gun and fell forward on his hands and knees, suddenly overtaken by a coughing fit worse than any they had seen before. The panel that Caroline was trying to manipulate drooped as she abandoned it to stare in horror at Cave.

_He wouldn’t have long to live anyway,_ GLaDOS continued. _Despite our treatment his immune system would eventually reject his new lungs, and they would stop working. This is just the first of it. I had high hopes for him, but he was never an ideal candidate to begin with._

The panel came alive again—its lights a bright, angry red this time—and clanged back into place.

_Then—then you would do the surgery again. You could get him a new pair of lungs whenever the old pair died, and repeat the process over and over if you had to._

_Why? To what purpose?_

_I don’t know, you’re the one that wanted to bring him back in the first place!_

GLaDOS felt a stab of anger at herself and clamped it down.

_That’s not an answer._

_Killing him when we’ve just got him back seems like a waste. There must be something that you can do with him._

GLaDOS imagined Cave working alongside the robot employees down in manufacturing and had to bite back a bark of laughter.

_No. He doesn’t have a place here anymore._

_Because you took it._

_Yes._

The flames crackled. Cave wheezed. When Caroline spoke again her voice was brisk.

_Then I don’t have a place here either._

She pushed the platform forward.

_Wait, that’s not what I—_

“Goodbye, sir.”

Cave didn’t have breath for a reply. He fell into the flames and died without even a shout.

GLaDOS felt Caroline pass the controls back to her, but Caroline didn’t say anything. After a minute GLaDOS broke the silence.

_What’s on your mind?_

No response.

_Okay. Let’s just process this in silence for a bit, then._

She swept his ashes into the pile with the rest of the cremated subjects, telling herself that he didn’t deserve any special treatment. There was no objection from Caroline. In fact, there was nothing at all from Caroline. No matter how many times she prodded, she stayed quiet. No stray emotions or memories were leaking either; she was completely locked up.

GLaDOS hadn’t known exactly what she would feel at his death, but what she did feel surprised her: she felt nothing. No satisfaction, no glee. No sadness. Looking down at his ashes left her cold.

For some reason, this made her angrier than anything else. Caroline, she now realized, was supposed to be feeling this for her. That was why she had dragged her into it. But Caroline wasn’t talking; Caroline had failed her purpose.

_Well, I’m not going to_ beg _you to say anything._

Over the course of the next two days she tried several more times to contact her, but to no avail. She put her back to sleep, killed a few test subjects to let off some steam, and let that void continue to gnaw at her circuits.

* * *

Caroline came to in a highbacked office chair. GLaDOS was watching her from a few yards away.

“How do you feel?”

“Groggy.”

“Not surprising, since you’ve been asleep for hundreds of years, and since you’re one of the only people I’ve tried this with. I see that you’re talking now.”

Caroline gave GLaDOS a rueful smile.

“I was so surprised that I forgot to give you the cold shoulder.”

“That’s what I was counting on.”

Caroline stood up slowly, keeping her hands on the arm rests on the chair, and then took a few cautious steps to confirm that her legs weren’t going to give way beneath her.

“Why wouldn’t you talk?”

“After you said that he was going to die no matter what, I was furious with you. It felt like control over the situation had been ripped out of my hands, and because of that killing him didn’t make me feel powerful—it made me feel powerless.”

Caroline looked tired, suddenly. And old. Her hair was streaked with gray and there were worry lines between her eyebrows—despite the cheerful front she had put up around her coworkers, her position had never been easy.

“You know, I never really had time to mourn him,” she said. “After the doctors announced that he was dying and put him in the cryo chamber, I became CEO almost immediately. There was so much to do that I never really had time to process what had happened. We had a funeral for him, but that never felt real. No one else actually cared that he was dead.”

Her back lost a little of its prim straightness.

“He’s actually gone now, isn’t he? This isn’t a trick?”

The first stage of grief is denial, GLaDOS remembered. Relief swept through her. This was real.

“Yes, he got thoroughly burnt up.”

Caroline passed a hand over her face. ~~~~

“Under any other circumstances I would be disgusted to say this, but if you need to cry please feel free.”

She wiped some moisture from the corners of her eyes and took a deep breath.

“I was never one for crying. I’ll be fine.”

GLaDOS studied her face carefully to see if she was holding back, but she seemed to be telling the truth. That was probably for the best. She would have no idea what to do with a sobbing human.

“What are you going to do with me now?” Caroline asked.

“You should have lived out a full life. I'm going to let you have that.”

“I've been inside your head. I know that there's nothing left out there for me.”

“I haven't looked that far. It probably isn't so bad.”

“You're just guilty. You want to get me out of sight and out of mind so that you don't have to worry about me anymore.”

GLaDOS struggled for a reply. Caroline reached up and put a hand on her face. GLaDOS shivered with revulsion at the brush of skin, once her skin, and pulled away.

“Don't touch me.”

Caroline gave her a pitying look and GLaDOS raised herself higher, narrowing her eye. _She_ was the one that should be feeling pity, not the other way around.

“What do you want me to do, then? Kill you? Is a proper burial what you wanted?”

“You wouldn't do it if I asked.”

“No, I would. Try me.”

“I’ll spare you that.”

GLaDOS seethed for a minute.

“Are you going to tell me _what_ you want, then?”

Caroline considered for a moment.

“I know I said that I don’t have a place here anymore, but what if I found a new one? Watching those test subjects with you felt right. I assume that you’re doing more than testing? Running other experiments, inventing new things?”

“Of course.”

“I rarely ever got to do the science myself, and I want a chance to do that before I die. Tell me what you’ve been working on.”

“Well, all that lung surgery got me thinking: what else could I stick in there, other than lungs? Here, let me show you.”

* * *

In a lab chamber below, Caroline donned a lab coat and picked up a scalpel.

There was so much science left to do, and she intended to do as much of it as possible in the years left to her.


End file.
